From Fear to Fabulous
As a child I was connected to everything in a deeply feeling and sensual way. Life was alive and I was part of that. My home was in the garden, I danced and changed the weather. No matter how the adults tried to tame me, no one convinced me my otherworldly experience was not real.
Over time, without words to articulate and people to listen, I felt existentially wrong, changed my wildness to fit-in… life felt hard and I felt broken… but I didn’t lose contact with essential innocence, with ‘knowing without knowing’… Over 30 years I reclaimed myself, experiencing travel, therapeutic bodywork and spiritual work, feeling safe in the world and my body again.
My work is important and matters to me because my experience is commonplace. Most of us were not received in the way that we wanted to be. We can remember knowing and feeling a lot as children – but then gave up and hid – forgetting our sense of the magical – our vision for the world. We learned to see things the way “they” told us things were. But that is not the whole truth. Much more is going on. This work is an opportunity to remember what you already know and to be who you really are.
For over twenty years I worked as a body therapist in professional private practice, for individuals with a variety of emotional and physical symptoms. I gained much experience of the human condition.
In this role my formal education was put into practice – a degree in English Literature, a three year course in the Grinberg Method of Bodywork (Israel), a two year course in Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy (Karuna Institute, Devon) and a two year course in Family Constellations, a kind of body Psychotherapy (CSISS, London.)
The Loving Life work I am now offering comes from my constant contact with the invisible world, gift of instinctual knowing and hard-won personal transformation. It is what I know of the mystery. An initiation prepared me: In 2010 I experienced an intense crisis (my mother died, my daughter was born, I was a single parent with little support.) Afterwards I felt somehow ‘ready’ and began holding groups at the end of 2011, finding out what was to be done…
This work is supported by my informal education with spiritual teachers. Gratitude to Jim Moore (Gurdjieff), Baba Ram Dass (Ayurveda), Llewellyn Vaughn Lee (Sufism), Judith Hemming (Constellations), Judith Seelig (Yoga), A. H. Almaas (Ridhwan), Mirabai Devi (New Paradigm), Michaela Boehm (Tantra), John Oakley (Kabbalah) and others.
As a conduit for the Divine Feminine, my approach is receptive, inclusive and interactive.
It is my pleasure to offer this work, my contribution in service to the whole.
A POEM CALLED JULIA WRITTEN 1990 BY CLAIR BARLOW
There is a comfort in knowing Julia,
Not unlike the comfort of finding your first blanket,
Something you want to keep holding,
Something to warm you and warn you of the cold that goes
With something to be aware of.
She has shared my very consciousness,
Being conscious of me, and I of her, from that very first moment
When strangers with no ill intention, in ill feeling,
no surprise, no intention to impress or dress for the occasion of our meeting.
Her complex simplicity breeds a kind of radiance,
that only the truly living can appreciate.
She is alive with the sense of not wanting to waste one precious moment,
and moments with her are precious.
There will be a room full of strangers I know (to say hello to)
And there will be Julia,
Yet just when I think I know her,
She evades me with an elusive kind of beauty
Not uncommon in the loveliest of days,
When all is going as one would choose,
you cannot lose a beauty like that.
It is inherent in her nature and she captures nature as one would capture a moment
that never comes twice.
She is shackled liberty,
in a wild or constant essay or bid
for the kind of freedom that such as her, for so many reasons, must fight for.
I dedicate these fleeting thoughts to her, who took so much time, valuable time, to know me,
an anonymous body, whom she has the ability to turn into an individual.
Our differences lie in what we will never know about each other,
she demands acknowledgment,
and a malleable ear, that bends with ease
to the melodies that come from her mouth.
In knowing her, I’ve known a member of that rare breed,
a person that cares not for the world in general,
but for people in it, spinning around with the best and the
worst of the rest of the anonymous bodies.
Julia, a little daylight in an atmosphere of claustrophobia
that arises from lack of response to the individual.
The mortal sin that leads to fatal depersonalisation
of the important individual, all of us,
the complications of day to day wear and tear
are ironed out, of half way there
Just by her being there.